Ravit Rose

  Making the decision to divorce is a very difficult and loaded decision. It requires a lot of thought and attention and focus on many different areas of your life. But one thing that I learned the very hard way is that procrastinating the decision also doesn’t help. And I was very good at procrastinating because I was really worried about many different areas. And a lot of my decisions were “Should I stay?” “Should I go?” “If I go…” “What about this?” and “What about that?” “How about this?” and “How about that?” And I was overwhelmed with fear, worries and anxieties- that my decision to divorce or not was more fear-based than anything else. I stopped thinking logically and I was full on emotions.

I will start off by sharing my story and the painful lessons I had learned after having spent $80,000 in legal fees and stressed for a decade over complete nonsense. I was really wrong about my divorce from the very beginning. Honestly, I was so naive, I thought “He doesn’t get along with me. We’re just not meant to be together. Let’s just each go our separate ways. He goes his way, I go my way. We each have our own individual lives.” I honestly naively thought that divorce was just about that. Little did I know from one ambush after another, after another, after another, after another, for years to come, that the divorce really wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going be.  

  One of the biggest problems with divorce is that men and dads are trying to divorce alone. They’re trying to figure it out on their own. Divorce is not something that you can just YouTube about and just figure it out on your own. It’s not something where the answer will just miraculously come to you. You have to surround yourself with a good support system. And that’s one of the advantages that mothers have is that they are really resourceful, good at communicating and finding new friends and people to listen to them.

Men and dads have a very tough time post-divorce and the loneliness is a killer to many. The suicide rate is extremely high and the loneliness rate is also extremely high with men post-divorce. So, dads here is the ultimate platform that provides you a safe place to share, learn and explore more about yourself.  

  Let me tell you a story about Sally’s pink shoes and grilled cheese sandwiches that cost $5,000.  So, I left Sally’s pink shoes at the father’s house and the father refuses to give me back the shoes. So, I argue back and forth and say, “give me back the shoes- I bought them”. And he says, “no, not giving you back Sally’s pink shoes”.  So, I go to my lawyer and I say “he won’t give me back the shoes and I want the shoes back, I bought them, I paid them. Here’s the receipt and I want them back”. So, his lawyer sends my lawyer letters and his lawyer responds back and we go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And guess what happens?

  Here is a shout out to all of you parents who are already divorced. What tips or tricks or advice or suggestions would you offer a parent whose contemplating divorce or newly separated? And I know this is a loaded question because I’ve got a whole list of things that I would suggest to someone. But my point here is, that we all learned many lessons throughout our divorce… many things that we wish we would have done differently. Many things that we wish we would have done in a smart way, more cost efficient way. What would be your top pointer for someone who is thinking about going through divorce or someone who already started to go through it and is maybe feeling lost and confused? What words of wisdom would you share with them? Please post them below in the comments and the reason that I want to do this is because I want people- parents- who are in that stage of making the decision: “Should I stay or should I go?” or in the stage of making decisions on what to do with the kids and